Difficult
by storywriter30
Summary: They say you won't remember much - maybe nothing at all - so she let herself fall. It was so much easier that way.


**One Shot! **

**I listed it as Tony/Ziva but Tony's name is never actually said so if you prefer someone else, please, be my guest! : )**

**If it's a little confusing...that's kind of what I was going for. You're not _supposed_ to know what exactly is going on. **

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><p>They say you won't remember a lot. Maybe nothing at all. It's true. She didn't remember anything. She barely even knew where she was . . .<p>

"Ziva! Ziva!"

She felt someone grab her face. She felt them give her a little slap on the face. It burned.

There were shadows hanging over her body. Her eyes were open but for some reason she couldn't focus; she couldn't see anything. It was like she was staring into some blurry abyss. There seemed to be no end. She couldn't even tell who was leaning over her, who was frantically calling her name.

"Stay with me, Zi," he begged, "Not like this."

She closed her eyes; it was so much easier this way. She took a deep breath and then cried out as pain shot through her chest. She wouldn't breath. It hurt too much. Not breathing was easier.

A hand groped for hers. It was frantic, in some sort of panic. It laced its fingers with hers and squeezed her hand. The force that the other hand exerted on her own was almost enough to jolt her back to her life. Almost enough to take her out of the space between consciousness and unconsciousness that she was currently floating in. Almost.

"Where are they?" he cried out.

The force hold on her hand was too much to handle. She couldn't take it anymore. It was the only thing holding her in this phase of limbo and she didn't like the way that it felt. She had to let go. She was being pulled down. She just wanted to fall. It would be so much easier.

She let go of the other fingers and relief came over her body. She fell freely. Her body descended downward with no end in sight. This was easier – so much easier.

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><p>At some other time, she wasn't sure if life still moved in chronological order, she felt a jolt of something move through her body. And then she felt it again. This time, however, it was accompanied by pain – fiery pain that tore through her body like tornado making its way through an old mid-western town. She tried to fight it. She wanted to stop the spreading, to slow it down. She needed some sort of relief. But, her energy was close to nothing and the abyss begged for her return. So, she stopped fighting. She let herself fall. It was easier this way.<p>

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><p>Yet another time, she awoke to an invasion. Somehow it had gotten through the defenses and now her body was invaded. She coughed. The thing down her throat had to go. It had to go. She tried to lift her arms and pull it out but it seemed that they either no longer worked or had gotten heavier.<p>

A hand, the same one that had held hers in that faraway time, brushed her forehead. It rubbed back and forth, trying hard to sooth her. She thought she heard words coming from the mouth that shared the body with the hand but they were far away – too far away for her hear, let alone understand.

She resorted to falling again. Things weren't as scary in the abyss. She felt _in_, yet totally _out_ of control. Still, it was easier than where she was now. So, she let go and she went back. Back to where it was easier.

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><p>When she came up from the abyss again, the invader was gone. The invader was gone but somehow she was muted. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. There was no one in the room, or, at least no one she could see. She though she felt a presence beside her. She went to turn her head but that proved to be too taxing. She could barely move her finger, let alone her entire head. The curtains on her eyes felt heavy and they began to come to a close. She would go back to the abyss. She was tired. She felt alone. She didn't feel anything in the abyss – that made things a lot easier.<p>

The light was bright, too bright. She was hot, too hot. She was in pain, too much pain. She squinted; she didn't understand what was going on. This wasn't her bed. She cried out in pain.

"Ziva, oh my God, Ziva!"

She watched him run to her side.

He bent down in front of her and stared into her eyes. There was so much pain there, so much loss. She didn't understand.

He dragged a finger across her forehead. She realized she had a headache. Maybe it was from his stare. It was so intense. She didn't quite know what to do. She closed her eyes. She wanted to go back. She just didn't know where. This was hard, too hard.

They say you won't remember a lot. Maybe nothing at all. It's true. She didn't remember anything. She barely even knew where she was . . .

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><p><strong>Let me know what you think?<strong>


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